Update:

I have made the decision to stay married to him.  I have to understand that he isn't going to change overnight and that this is something I will likely have to deal with for the rest of my life.  He is addicted.  He doesn't do it because he hates me or just for fun.  He does it because his mind thinks he needs it.  It is sad that he let it get that far.  But, when you start at such a young age and don't understand the consequences of your actions, when the consequences come, they come slowly and you accept them as they come.

I am also an addict.  I have attended AA meetings with some of my family members.  I understand addiction and what it means to be addicted.  Although my addiction of food doesn't demoralize other human beings, I still have several of the same consequences.  Sometimes I feel hopeless.  I will have months of dedication to overcome and then I will cave in a week moment.  It doesn't matter if I tell myself that I will die at a young age (due to obesity) and leave my son without a mother, I give in to the addiction.

I think I am blogging today more for myself.  I cannot change what my husband does.  I can encourage and support or I can degrade and tear him down, but it is ultimately up to him what he does.  So, I am making positive changes in my own life and addiction to become a better person for myself and my family.  He can encourage me to eat less and exercise, but it is up to me.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.  Not just once, but every time.  Every time I overeat I need to recognize that I indulged in my temptations.  I have been sending mass texts to my family about my weight loss progress.  I was ashamed to text them that I had fallen off the bandwagon and hadn't been keeping track of my WeightWatchers points.  I shouldn't have been.  I only received support in return for admitting my weakness.

My dad once said that there is no shame in your temptations.  My therapist told me that secrecy is the petri dish for addiction.  Keeping things secret when you are tempted doesn't make them go away.  Of course, you shouldn't put yourself in a situation where avoiding temptation is difficult.  My husband shouldn't watch rated R movies and I shouldn't go to chocolate parties.  Yes, there are chocolate parties.  And yes, I have been to a couple.  However, admitting that the chocolate/red velvet cake that the FACs teacher made this morning isn't indulging.  Eating one piece wasn't indulging.  It was after the first piece that I felt the real temptation.  I could have 2 or 4 pieces.  No one would know.... there is my trap.

I rededicated myself this week to my weight loss and healthy lifestyle.  My husband rededicated himself a few weeks ago.  Will we mess up?  I bet we do.  That is what life is all about.  Our bishop said that is inevitable that we will sin in this life.  He said that we will surely indulge in our addictions.  He said that the length in between indulges will increase and the duration/severity of the indulges will decrease if we do what we are supposed to.

Attend every church meeting
Read scriptures every night
attend addiction recovery meetings
attend couples/individual therapy.

This is a recipe for success.

I'll keep you updated.

Thank you for loving us.