Beating Addiction

So, he came home this weekend to go to church with me.  I can tell that he is dedicated to beating his pornography addiction.  However, the same problems remain.  He is quick to forget, and I can't trust him.

It seems like last time he was just as dedicated.  He said the same things, he acted the same way.  The difference about this time is that he actually putting forth the effort.  He has read the miracle of forgiveness and has fasted twice.  He has been reading his scriptures and writing letters of apology to those he has hurt because of his addiction.

The thing I am most worried about is how quick he is to forget.  Although that is human nature, his problem is not being honest about it.  He thinks it is okay to go to the temple and stand in blessing circles when he is unworthy, as long as no one knows about it.

I guess because I have gone through the repentance process so many times and for such an extended period of time, I know that lying isn't worth it.  It isn't worth all the guilt you feel from doing something unworthily.  It feels much better sitting in the congregation and watching those who are worthy.  And it feels the BEST when you have fully repented and can participate worthily.

I was able to go to the temple this weekend with a dear friend and my sister.  It felt amazing to be there and perform the sacred ordinances.  I prayed and cried while I was sitting in the celestial room.  I knew that my eternal family was currently broken.  I felt strongly that it will not always be that way.  I will have an eternal family again soon, whether that is with my husband or another man.  I will not always be in this unstable state.

Thanks again for all of your support!